Cogitationis poenam nemo patitur

old man in car

here's a weird quirk. i've noticed that after driving home from work i religiously spend long hours just sitting in my car, listening to npr, and studying. my car has become this place of recluse. like a small cave i hide there to think about all the mental computations completed that day, -- it's warm, safe and cozy. i also tend to call everyone while in the car as it lends itself to private, intimate conversations.

so like an old man, i will sit for there for moments on end to dream and work in my sanctuary.

righteous mouth

i went to the dentist today for the first time in 2 yrs, and "no cavities!" thank you very much. i take pride in my sonicare...  it remains a highly recommended teeth cleaning tool - much better than those manual versions. one of the best investments. i treat it like skincare... for god's sakes it's your face!

on top of it - my mouth is in perfect shape, so where there are some parts of my body i am concerned about - my mouth seems to be in excellent condition to undertake the aging process ..

and yes, i admittedly signed up for some cosmetic additions ;) can't say no to an even prettier smile!

"Goodnight and Go" - Imogen Heap.

on trend

i have three computer screens looking at me right now, infused with logos, screen savers, keyboards, speakers, my Magritte hounding me visually in the background poking me to remember that this life is all just a pack of cards - reality being a figment of whatever i choose this life to be. i work late, i wake up early, i learn as much as i can in a day -- sometimes i sleep.. when i can.

i'm on trend. in the right place i want to be professionally - striving for much. Just learned about SEM - Search Engine Marketing today - and I think I could now design my own program.

Next week I meet up with Edward Stringham for Whiskey night to learn about economics. Piecing all this together I should have a wonderful set of connections to build my own publication, and an MBA focused on technology..

so i categorized this as "Relationship/ Dating" because I am building the most important one... the one i was born with and will die with .. (you can figure that out from there)

And one day, I will stop loving a man... and that day... will be the most freeing day. Until then, I'm captured by the kiss of an old soul once entwined with me. No logic - in my very logical being can explain it.

Untitled III

Cold rainy day. Maxwell to keep me company. Music to soothe my soul. More of you to miss, and more of me actualize. Where I wish love to nestle into all the right places, its existence remains in an intangible location of the soul. As in scales unknown to most beings, I'm here for a nanosecond to change trends. And, that is the love of me.

"April Come She Will" - Simon and Garfunkel.

winter tracks

business trips most inevitably harness drunken nights with co-workers doing the things you would least expect them to do in those least expected places. it's business.. business trips always tell the truth -- like the unfolding onion of what is so to be called human personality. I never drink excessively at these things..i've developed secret methods of drinking in which to evoke the illusion of a good time while remaining sober, in control, and consistent. Nor, am I that girl to ever hook-up with someone on business trips. Big, no, no in my book...  but at squaw valley this weekend, I saw much, and heard much about everyone i was with. I did snow board and reminisced over my first experience Snow boarding with Nolan. He taught be how to snow board, falling leaf, icing the cake, the physics of putting your weight towards the mountain, and he caught me before I would fall.. this time was a little more painful, and i ended up missing when he would break my fall.

I became friends with the VP of HP which was positive... nice guy, down to earth.. And learned about Optimedia's media solutions. I decided not to enter the hot tub with any of those folks, and strategically  placed myself as the girl just leaving the sauna.. and coming to see everyone clothed with wet hair .. saying "whoops - sorry -- i just finished my sauna experience. I didn't get your message".. ;) It's all about knowing what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable, and leaving the party once you have solidified your connections without compromising your personal sobriety.

So - I'm home. Happy. Studying even more vigorously then ever - and signing up for my GMAT course. The consensus is.. if i get into the right school - I'll go.

And why does San Francisco feel colder than the mountains. I'm freezing!!!!

under pressure

I'm an online advertising nerd, geek, techie, and what's more... rich media feign. I'm that person who when sees a new pop-up, floating banner, a man doing 3-d cartwheels on the screen, video moving from left to right, or up or down, wonders what creative firm designed it, how do i get it on my website, and what technology did they use.. kinda advertising freak.

ya - I'm under major pressure right now... and remembering all in all.. it's just ads on a page. I'm not solving world hunger right now, although I'd love to be given the chance on that one.. and i am not trying to find the best political reason to remove all our troops out of Iraq (although i think i could muster up the brain power for that as well)...

so, while we all sit in our daily stressful lives, i'd like to note, we are alive -- and have the chance -- to solve world hunger.

pressure is a self-inflicted chronic disease, and stress is caused by fear of the unknown..

all a bunch a crap.

so live on!

Proxy Systems -- Dubai and Port Security.

Read article for further discussion on Proxy and Security. Author of Beyond Fear, I believe this article to be an interesting discussion on the issue at large.

dubai and business/ global markets

The rapid growth of Dubai Ports World mirrors the swift expansion of Dubai into a commercial power that is less and less dependent on oil wealth, which is modest by Persian Gulf standards. The glittering city-state has the Middle East's leading airline, Emirates, and has been snapping up other foreign assets, including the Essex House hotel in New York.

I heard Barbara Boxer on Michael Krasney this morning describing the fear penetrating through Washington this morning. Where I can perceive the history, I am all for opening up agreements with Middle Eastern companies and promoting wealth, expansion, and global markets.

Fear is unnecessary at this point. Security also lies in the hands of other facets within the trading industry. If we are worried about terrorism, believe me only 5% of all cargo was checked even before this transaction took place. Security lies, at the point of debarkation as well.. it's a larger issue that needs to be solved outside (or rather now instigated) because of this business deal.

Although the U.S. ports are causing the current ruckus, they are in fact only a small piece of P&O's business. But they are an important part of the deal because they would give Dubai Ports World a presence in a critical market where the company currently has no assets. "It's a strategic value. That's what's important," Chief Operating Officer Edward H. Bilkey said on CNN on Wednesday night.

Last night, in an offer coordinated with the White House, the company said it would not exercise control over U.S. port operations until further talks have been held between administration officials and lawmakers. The company said the rest of its transaction with P&O will move forward as planned.

The explosive fight over port security, direct investment in the United States by Arab countries and the secretive process by which the federal government reviews foreign purchases of potentially strategic domestic assets caught the company and others in the industry off guard. Dubai Ports World and P&O executives and maritime industry analysts had expected that the deal, first reported and discussed in October, would continue its smooth and anonymous path to completion on March 2.

note to self

when in doubt - stand still, be calm, and wait for more information. And by god -- do not run toward flashing lights, you'll get burned!!

when the heart speaks

the answer is --
yes, sometimes valentine's day can awaken you. i've always said by not having you can sometimes see clearly what you have, or at least recognize  your values. i used to say that.. but now i think things are a little different. it is not an either or quandary, but more of a learning process all around... and whether i have come down to inhabit some earth and grounding, or whether i am still in the clouds about it, i know that i do love someone. i've  put away all my remarks about hallmark holidays and the frustrations i feel in a tightly sealed jar labeled past puzzles, and have come to peace with my annoyances that arise internally when in examination.

the most unabashedly mind boggling dilemma -- is that i can't explain this. i can't explain that feeling, how oddly natural it is to want to hold someone, kiss them, make love to them, accept them, hate them, be turned on and off by them. i find it so bizarre -- so much so, that my rational mind can not even muster up a good enough reason for my past actions or even my current.

i will never be consumed by love again and i will never change my path. when the time is right, i will accept a man into my life, and it will be right and full of much mutual respect, admiration, and passion.

i wish everyone a valentine's day full of closeness and intimacy.